Dating Advice For The Divorced:How To Say Goodbye

What You Say When A Post-Divorce Romance Ends
by Gene Griessman, Ph.D.

The World of the Formerly Married, a durable classic by Morton M. Hunt, has some poignant insights about how divorced people feel when a relationship ends.

There’s often the feeling, Why did this happen to me?  Why can’t I make love last?  It’s not uncommon at all for divorced individuals to feel this way, that what is happening is unique, or at least very rare.

Actually, from a sociological and psychological point of view, the world of the formerly married is a fairly predictable place.  With that thought in mind, shares this except from Morton M. Hunt to tell you that you are not alone.

“Formerly married people usually have a brief flare-up of the old separation symptoms—depression, insomnia, loneliness, and the like—at the end of a love affair. Offsetting the new sense of failure, however, is the recognition that they have come through it before, adjusted, learned to make their way, and found new partners and new love.

“The depression and misery are therefore short-lived, compared to those which followed the end of the marriage. And still there are many things that remind them and stab them to the heart…But most of the Formerly Married know how to live with all this, and recuperate fairly fast.

“Indeed, after the first feelings of anger or hurt have subsided, they are very likely to have a tolerant and kindly attitude toward each other, and to speak well of each other to mutual friends. They have learned through experience that people whose love does not last are not so much guilty or imperfect as they are victims of their own needs, and that the needs of two adult people seldom dovetail perfectly.”

So, what do you say when you have come to the end?  Don’t say anything to your former best friend or love that’s so hurtful it will be remembered forever.

The anger will eventually burn itself out, and you will be sorry for anything you say that’s reckless or cruel.  And it won’t do any good to say anything nasty.  Do you think your angry words will effect a lasting change for the better? So don’t burn the bridge down.  It’s one thing for a relationship to end, but quite another to make a lifelong enemy.

It’s also a good time for self-talk.  Whenever the pain rolls in, say to yourself, “It will soon pass.  It will soon pass.”   That’s good self-talk for any kind of depression or grief, and it certainly is appropriate when a relationship comes undone.

Don’t get embarrassed using a spurious Lincoln quote. Here’s a quotation book you can trust. 

The Words Lincoln Lived By

“This is a book to cherish and share.”—Bill Marriott, CEO, Marriott International, Inc.

“Not only does Griessman give us Lincoln quotes, but he also weaves each one into a little jewel of an essay on that particular subject.” Wayne C. Temple, renowned Lincoln scholar, Illinois State Archives

You will also enjoy Lincoln Speaks To Leaders by Gene Griessman and Pat Williams.

Don’t leave yet. You’ve found a goldmine. Check out additional power phrases and unusual quotations.


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