Dating Advice: Who Pays For What and How Much?
by Simple Simon
Simple Simon says many women don’t seem to realize that a lot of men don’t date very much because they can’t afford to. And there are more of these kinds of guys than you imagine. If they’re young, they may be paying off a student loan, or saving money for the down-payment on a house or car, etc., etc. And if they’re not young, they may be paying medical expenses for an elderly parent, strapped with a big mortgage, etc, etc. The guy may look just fine, but he his head may be just barely above water.
So, ladies, look at it from the man’s perspective. Going out to a very modest restaurant will cost from $50 to $100. And if you both get appetizers and dessert, plus a bottle of wine, if you tip the servers and valet fairly, you’re talking $200, probably more. Even a cheap date—movie, refreshments, plus a snack or pizza will come to between $50 and $80. A concert, ball game, opera, theater plus refreshments and parking can turn into serious money.
Maybe you don’t want to go out with any guy that doesn’t have at least a couple of hundred disposable dollars per week. Maybe you’re trolling for a one-per center. OK, but just be clear in your own mind what you’re doing.
If you are willing to consider a lot of really eligible guys, you will need to give thought to how much dating costs a guy—if he pays for everything. He may like you, actually like you a lot, but he won’t be able to date you very much because of the cost. And if you never reach for your purse to pay for anything, he may not say it, but he’s thinking “She’s a taker.”
Simple Simon knows of single women who use Match.com and other dating sites for endless free dinners. These lovely creatures never let any relationship go beyond the first date or two, because they know the man will pick up the check for everything at first. Because the dating sites provide a pretty woman with almost endless possibilities for new prospects, a cynical woman can just keep moving on, and never pay a penny for anything.
Guys need to consider what dating may cost a woman. If she’s single, and she expects you to pay for everything, her costs are negligible. But a lot of very desirable women have kids. They may be single moms or divorced, but they have to think about the cost of a sitter. Dependable, trustworthy sitters aren’t cheap. To go to a ballgame, or the theater, or even to a movie and a snack afterward can easily cost her $100. If it’s obvious to her that you aren’t spending much money on the evening, she probably won’t say it, but she’s thinking CHEAP.
So what advice can Simple Simon give?
One. Think of the cost from the other person’s perspective.
Two. On the first date, guys, you probably should be prepared to pay for everything. But not necessarily. Guys like it if the woman says early on, “Let me get this.” Simple Simon does, that’s for sure.
Three. If you settle into a regular dating pattern, or if you two become an item, we recommend that you have a conversation. Simple Simon believes it’s better to talk than to stew.
Guys, pick a time when both of you are in a good mood, when the setting is conducive to a sustained conversation. You can begin by saying something like, “I wish we could see more of each other, but I have a problem…” or “I really love being with you, but can I be honest with you?” Then pause.
She won’t know what’s coming, and may be bracing for you to tell her that you’re married, have another girl friend, or you’ve decided to stop seeing her. Then say, “Right now I’m in a cash-flow situation. I would love to have your input about how we can keep seeing each other on a regular basis. ” Pause again. Give her have the opportunity to ask a question or make a suggestion. Chances are, she will volunteer to help out by splitting some of the cost. Or suggesting that you spend some nights in–dinner at her place or yours, or on picnics, or doing things that don’t cost a bundle, or using Scoutmob coupons.
That is, if she likes you. She may be strapped financially herself, and not be able to contribute much, but she might come up with something. She will understand your situation and how you feel, and appreciate your candor.
Guys, if you lose a woman because you initiate a courteous conversation about money, you haven’t lost much. If she cares about you, she will want to figure out how to see more of you.
Ask yourself if you really want to keep going out with someone who doesn’t really want to be with you?
And a more important, do you really want to keep seeing a woman who may like you, but is basically a taker, not a giver? Simple Simon is no prophet, but he predicts that you will regret staying with that kind of woman sooner rather than later.
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