What Not To Say When Someone Dies. What To Say At A Funeral

What You Say When Someone Dies.  What To Say At A Funeral.  What To Say In A Letter Of Condolence
By Gene Griessman, Ph.D.

What to say when someone dies–what to say at a funeral, what to say in a letter of condolence–offers a great opportunity  to say something that will be cherished.  But you must be careful what you say, because emotional situations are often fraught with danger.

Never say that you understand exactly how they feel–that you lost a loved one recently, or you had a friend who died of cancer, etc.  Most people do not want to hear that.

I know it seems appropriate to signal that you feel the other person’s pain because you have been there yourself.  But that is not the way that it usually comes across.

When people grieve, they feel their uniqueness.  They are the  only people in the world who are feeling this kind of pain. It is small comfort to hear about someone else who has gone through the same experience.

It’s like your boss calling you in to tell you that you’ve been fired.  It doesn’t soften the blow if he tells you that he’s firing five other people, too.  Who cares?   Those other five won’t have to make your mortgage payments or scrape together money for food or Christmas presents for your kids.

It’s like being told that you have adrenal cancer, and only 80 out of, say, 10,000 ever get it.   Who cares about the 80?  It’s you that will be facing  death.

Later on, it may be appropriate for you to talk to a grieving person about your similar experience. But when other people have just experienced a loss, are reeling and trying to come to terms with it, they will not want to hear about the pain that you once experienced.

So, what to say?

One of the most memorable messages that was sent to me when I lost a daughter whom I dearly loved was a simple e-mail from a friend with these words:  “I am so, so, so very sorry. Let me know if there is anything I can do.”  Those three “so’s” made his message memorable.

Those simple words can be your template for what to say when someone dies, what to say in a letter of condolence, what to say at a funeral.  You can deliver it in writing, by email, in person, at the funeral.  “I am so, so, so very sorry!”  cannot be misinterpreted, and will be cherished.

 

THE Lincoln Quotation Book

Don’t get embarrassed using a spurious Lincoln quote. Here’s a quotation book you can trust

The Words Lincoln Lived By is a stirring, inspirational treasury of quotations from our greatest and most admired president. Composed of Lincoln’s profound observations—one for every week of the year, each followed by a short commentary that provides historical context—the book offers rich material for interpretation, reflection, and spiritual guidance. In these pages, Lincoln, famed as an orator, shares his wisdom on courage and determination, compassion and compromise, tolerance and tact—the essential traits that define character. The timeless impact of his words is as powerful as the achievements that have helped to make him an American hero.

We’ve found numerous phony quotes on popular websites and quote books. Every Lincoln quotation in this book is authentic.

https://www.amazon.com/Words-Lincoln-Lived-Timeless-Principles/dp/0684841223

Gene Griessman is an award-winning professional speaker, actor, and consultant. His video “Lincoln on Communication” is owned by thousands of corporations, libraries, and government organizations. He has spoken at conventions all over the world. To learn more about his presentations, contact us at 404-435-2225 or abe@mindspring.com Learn more about Gene Griessman at presidentlincoln.com and atlantaspeakersbureau.com

WEBSITE SPECIAL “LINCOLN ON COMMUNICATION”

“One of the very best videos/DVDs ever made. It’s a classic like ‘Gone With The Wind.’ I show it in many of my seminars. Everyone loves it.”
–Brad McRae “The Seven Strategies of Master Presenters”

overnment, and business. It’s been acclaimed by communication experts and educators.
$120.00” (This is a discounted price for whatyousay.com. Many videos of this quality sell for as much as $1000.)  DIGITAL DOWNLOAD INCLUDED 

Free Shipping in the U.S.

Purchase with no risk. Lifetime, no-questions-asked return guarantee.

 


 


Gene Griessman is an internationally known keynote speaker, actor, and communication strategist. His book “TheWords Lincoln Lived By” is in its 23rd printing and “Time Tactics of Very Successful People” is in its 43rd printing. His training video “Lincoln on Communication” is owned by thousands of corporations, libraries, and government organizations. He has spoken at conventions and annual meetings all over the world. To learn more about his presentations, call 404-435-2225. Learn more at Atlanta Speakers Bureau or at his website. His latest book “Lincoln and Obama” has just been released by Audible.
This entry was posted in Funerals, Death, and Dying, Never say... and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to What Not To Say When Someone Dies. What To Say At A Funeral

  1. Redfield says:

    I truly appreciate this article.Much thanks again. Keep writing.

  2. Apartment says:

    Really great info can be found on weblog . “We should be eternally vigilant against attempts to check the expression of opinions that we loathe.” by Oliver Wendell Holmes.

  3. I do agree with all of the ideas you’ve presented in your post. They are really convincing and will definitely work. Still, the posts are very short for starters. Could you please extend them a bit from next time? Thanks for the post.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.